Books
by MissGuenever
Summary: Rainy afternoons where everyone congregates in the offices with reading material and Nate ponders everyone's choices in books and wonders about soup. Lots of soup, a movie or two, and some mommy porn tossed in for good luck. Cheers!
1. A Boston Rainy Day

Yes, this is a repost – but, my totally awesome beta Gaben (whoop, whoop!) pointed out some pretty egregious spelling and grammar errors I'd made. So in the interest of accuracy…

**A/N**: I always seem to start with author's notes; and this can be no exception. So a HUGE thank you to vivi749 who's great fic Parker and the Word 'Why' totally inspired this. And to Gaben for tirelessly being my beta.

Books Books Books Books

You could always tell a person by what they'd read. At least that's what Nate's mother had always said. She'd usually had a copy of the bible in her hand; and often it seemed like she was either going to Mass, or just getting home from church.

Nate looked down at what he was reading and wondered what "Museum of the Missing: A History of Art Theft" would say about him. He took a sip of his whiskey and pictured in his mind what the rest of the team would say: Sophie would sniff and say "Typical." Parker would probably demand to see more pictures and then point out the errors and items that had actually been stolen by other people (including her). Hardison would pooh pooh the fact he was reading a physical book and try and then try to hand him one of those tablet things. Or something like that. And Eliot probably wouldn't say anything at all. Or if he'd read it he'd say "Good book." Or "Their research was a little spotty." Or "Keeping your hand in?" Something along one of those lines.

Being as it was a really lazy and rainy Boston day everyone had decided to congregate at the offices thus disturbing what Nate had hoped was going to be a quiet day for him and his book. Maybe a little sports in the afternoon and possibly some take-out Chinese for dinner. Or maybe he'd walk to the Vietnamese place down the street and get some Pho. Noodle soup on a rainy day was always a good thing. But, then he'd been invaded: First by Hardison, then Sophie and Eliot, and finally Parker.

Eliot was sitting on the couch, in his normal spot, which Nate defined as where the retrieval specialist could keep an eye on the rest of the team. He'd brought a book and a bag of groceries. The groceries were to make pasta e fagioli. The perfect gloomy day meal. The book was nicely protected in a plastic dust jacket protector and titled "Fading Feast." Honestly, Nate had no clue what it was about until the retrieval specialist had started cooking and he'd read the inside of the dust jacket. It was a rather arcane book about rural American cuisine. It gave the mastermind pause, and had him looking at Eliot in yet another new light.

The layers of the true Eliot were extraordinary. He was someone that at first glance was very easy to overlook: Just a man who hurt people for a living. The second glance showed a competent grifter, a third showed a very well educated Renaissance man. A man who understood the differences between contemporary and traditional ballet; the differences between college ice hockey and the NHL; the difference between brawling and fighting, and blindfolded could tell the differences between white and black truffles. Last week he'd been reading a biography on Albert Einstein, the week before it that had been one of Sophie's novels. Something by Nora Roberts, truly he was an amazing man!

Nate's eyes went from Eliot to the chair where Sophie was curled up with a cup tea. Earl Grey if he remembered what the hitter had said when he'd brought it over to her. She was reading Wuthering Heights, but, there was a stack of books next to her. Breaking Dawn? Nate mentally scratched his head on that one; he thought it was a teenybopper book. "Headed For Trouble," which looked to be a romance novel. And then a couple of scripts: "Around The World In Fifty-Four Days" and something called "Zombie Nightmare." God! The mastermind hoped he didn't have to sit through either of those shows.

Glancing over to where Parker was doing her imitation of a cat, stretched languidly across the couch while flipping through the channels and simultaneously glancing through a comic book. It looked like one of Hardison's comic books; but, with a closer look it was actually: Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea. Jules Verne's classic book; but, the comic book version?

After a glance at the rest of the team, it kind of made sense. Sophie loved all things Brontë, and romance; hence, Twilight. Which Nate had heard was inspired by Wuthering Heights or something like it. Eliot; well, there weren't a lot of books that he hadn't read. And Alec devoured information, all kinds of information. Then there was Parker, who had never finished school. Nate wasn't really sure how much school she'd actually gotten through. She was amazing at anything that involved thieving; and incredibly intelligent, she just hadn't had the opportunities that the rest of the team had. It wasn't like she couldn't read, just that she hadn't read as extensively as them. So, it made sense, in ways that Nate that wouldn't have thought about before he started working with this team. Start off reading the classics in a very approachable method. At least it wasn't that weird Japanese cartoon stuff that Hardison liked.

Nate's eyes drifted over to Sophie before they went to what the team's hacker was doing. He wasn't reading a book. Hardison was fiddling around on his laptop. Which was pretty normal for him; the ever present bottle of orange soda is next to him. Nate went to take a sip of his whiskey and realized that his glass was empty. He sighed to himself and went to refill his glass. Two fingers before dinner would be nice. As he crossed behind the hacker he looked down at the screens in front of the young man. Some weird gibberish on one, the Wall Street journal was split-screened with some other website: Geekology, at least that's the thing at the top said.

"Parker." Eliot growled and Nate turned his head from Hardison's screens to see the hitter grabbing the remote control.

"Hey I was watching that!"

"No you weren't." The hitter picked one channel showing something about animals and then sat on the remote; one spot where the adroit thief wouldn't easily be able to get it.

Nate sighed, filled his glass, and stared out the window. It had started to rain more heavily in the last half hour or so; which meant that they were all going to stay. Sophie wouldn't leave in the rain; it would make her hair frizzy. Hardison didn't like being cold and wet. Eliot would just mumble something about more sports channels here. And Parker, well if they were all here, she was going to be here too.

Just another rainy day in Boston.

Leverage – Leverage - Leverage

**E/N**: So you made it this far. You finished reading my little fic. The second baby fic I've written. From here you should read Luxuries and Loss, my totally awesome Eliot Spencer series. Cities, which I think will be a series once I decide where to go next. And maybe take a dip into my CSI: NY fics; but, first finish reading this End Note. I put a fair amount of time and effort into making sure that everyone gets credited. So read on fair reader!

These are all real books, and pretty kick ass books if I do say so myself! Nate's reading Museum of the Missing: A History of Art Theft by Simon Houpt. Eliot is reading Fading Feast: A Compendium of Disappearing American Regional Foods by Raymond A. Sokolov. The other book he read is Einstein: His Life and Universe by Walter Isaacson.

Sophie's stack has Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer, Headed For Trouble by Suzanne Brockmann, both of the scripts were from a theatre group in Billerica which is just north of Boston. And are shows that they've put on.

Parker is reading 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea by Jules Verne. Her version is by Pendulum Press was published in 1990. It's the 4th book in their Illustrated Stories line.


	2. Snowy New England Sunday

**A/N:** Yes, more author's notes. First of all: **Gaben**, thanks so much for being the best beta in the whole wide 'verse! **Gaben**, **PSU93Girl**, **Sprite91360**, and **vivi749** thank you all for the great reviews! It really makes my day when someone takes the time out of their schedule to spend a minute or two writing to say they liked or hated my story. **Sprite91360**, I blame you for this becoming for than a one-shot!

**Chapter 2**: Snowy Sunday

It was a snowy Sunday in Boston. The type of day where no one wanted to go outside except, for children; and then only for a few minutes. It was a dense wet snow that was falling; perfect for snowballs, but too wet to stay out for long. Bone chilling his mother called it. Nate stared down at his cup of coffee and wished for something a little more bracing. Maybe later during the game, he thought. Eliot would be sure to come over, multiple screens. Sighing a little, he turned from the window and picked up his book. "Killing Lincoln;" it looked at the events surrounding the assignation of President Lincoln. Sophie had picked it for him last week when she'd been in a bookstore casing a potential mark. So far it was pretty good; an interesting examination of John Wilkes Booth.

Reading a page or so Nate glanced up at the sound of the door opening. Eliot came in shaking his head free of snow; pretty much like a dog shakes when it's wet. The team's mastermind cracked a smile at that thought. Their hitter pulled off his heavy boots so he didn't track snow and salt through the apartment, carried three bags of groceries into the kitchen, and then walked back into the living room dumping a book on the side table. Huh… It was going to be one of those days. Looking down at his watch, Nate wondered when the rest of the team would show up.

Sophie had left her book on the coffee table last night. Nate could hear the shower running, which meant she'd be down soon.

"You want breakfast?" Eliot asked from the kitchen where he was wrapping a bandanna around his head gesturing at the sound of the shower.

"No. I ate."

"Parker's gonna want pancakes." Eliot stated gesturing at the stairs, asking without words if he should make Sophie brunch.

"Parker always wants pancakes." Hardison yelled over from the door he'd just come in carrying a bottle of orange soda, his laptop and a stack of comic books. He eyed the grocery bags on the island. "What cha gonna make?"

"Ciopinno."

"Cio… Wha?" The young hacker asked.

"Chi-oh-peen-oh." Eliot carefully enunciated the words. And at Hardison's blank stare he added "Italian seafood stew."

Nate watched the by-play with a smile on his face. Ciopinno was a wonderful meal on a cold day. He remembered eating bowls of it in the Back Bay with his family when they'd go out for dinner on Sunday after Mass.

"Huh. Sounds pretty good." Hardison shrugged and dug into his stack of comic books while booting up his laptop. After all this time together as a team he trusted that Eliot would make good food. It was as good as his nana made; but, he'd never tell her that!

Nate shrugged at the hitter and got a shrug in return. Part of the non-verbal communications Sophie talked about now and then. The mastermind glanced over at the book Sophie had gotten herself when she'd gotten herself when she'd bought his Lincoln book. Parker had pooh-poohed the whole purchasing a book thing; it hadn't so much been the book part, but the purchasing part that she'd objected to. Yeah, that book was all Sophie: Fashion. It had a white cover and a bunch of people on it. It was a history or something like that and had a lot of pictures in it. Parker had gone off on one of her rants about how the people were all in really bad clothes, Clothes that weren't good for climbing, crawling through vents or repelling.

Speaking of which where was their thief? He could still hear the shower going; she'd be in there for a while. Parker seemed to have an uncanny ability to show up when the rest of the team was in residence. In fact Eliot had already started to make pancake batter, and Nate could see the bag of chocolate chips on the counter.

Eliot glanced over at the comic books which Hardison had spread across the coffee table. Something called The Watchman, and The Walking Dead. The one about dead people could be interesting; it looked like it had zombies or something. And zombies could make for an interesting story line. Nate was reading some kind of book on President Lincoln, huh… Maybe he'd need to borrow it.

"Oooh! Pancakes!" Parker announced as plopped herself down on the counter next to where Eliot was finishing the batter. "Chocolate chip?"

The hitter just grunted and held up the bag of Ghirardelli chocolate chips.

"Yeah, my favorite!" Parker snagged a handful of the chips before grabbing the book she'd brought with her. She hadn't come through the front door; but, he hadn't seen where she'd come from. More typical Parker behavior. After all she wasn't one of the best cat burglar's in the world for nothing!

As the blonde thief settled in on the couch and Nate caught a glance of what she was reading. Gemology. It looked like a textbook… As she flipped through the book, Nate realized two things; one the book had a lot of pictures and two it had a section on imitation and synthetic gemstones. Yes, she was the best for many reasons. One of which was: She did her research.

Sophie started coming down the stairs dressed in leggings and a slouchy sweater thing; she looked elegant as always. She gave Nate a smile saying that she'd enjoyed last night. As he smiled back, she sniffed the air and looked at the kitchen where Eliot gave her a nod holding up his spatula. She nodded back and he pulled out another plate.

Yes, it was just another snowy day in Boston. A great day to be with teammates, friends, and in many ways; family.

Leverage – Leverage - Leverage

As with the last chapter all the books are real! Nate is reading Killing Lincoln: The Shocking Assassination that Changed America Forever by Bill O'Reilly and Martin Dugard. Sophie is reading Fashion: A Visual History: From Regency & Romance to Retro & Revolution by NJ Stevenson. The Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons and The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman (and a bunch of other people) are both real comic book series – I know, my husband has both of them! And The Watchman was made into a really long movie with that hunk Jeffery Dean Morgan. Gemology is a pretty hefty textbook (good luck getting a recent copy for less than a hundred bucks US) by Cornelius S. Hurlbut and Robert C. Kammerling.

**E/N**: And now a shameless plug for my other stories! I've got a couple of other Leverage fics which I think are awesome: Cities (all about Eliot), Luxuries and Loss (More about Eliot), and To Be Or Not To Be (Hardison). Plus, I've got some stories in other 'verses too: Firefly, the greatest Science Fiction universe ever! CSI: NY, and NCIS: Los Angeles. So read on!


	3. A Rainy Portland Monday

**A/N:** Oh Lord! I'm an awful person. I forgot my thank yous! **Gaben**, thank you (as always) for being the best beta in the world! **DeleaMarie**, **Dorian Herestor**, **Gaben**, **Sprite91360**, and **Valawenel** thank you guys for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following! I really love that you take that minute or two to do it!

**Chapter 3**: Rainy Monday

Monday was the only day the old Brew-pub and new Gastro-pub was closed. It was a restaurant tradition; and one that Eliot wasn't willing to break. Hardison growled and said that Applebee's and TGI Friday's were both open on Monday's.

"Applebee's is a chain restaurant! They don't have chef's, they have untrained line cooks who are only taught to use a microwave! A microwave for God's sake! My food doesn't come from a microwave!"

"Uhhh…" Hardison scrambled to think of what would most irritate the hitter. "They've got great vegetables."

"Vegetables! You call those vegetables!" The hitter brushed the hair out of his face and slammed his German steel knife down on one of the tomatoes he was cutting. "This is a vegetable. It was raised with love and care, and harvested by hand." He pushed the ripe plum tomato into the bowl with the rest of the ones he'd been cutting. "Those… Those things they call vegetables are raised on corporate farms, fertilized with chemicals, harvested unripe by machines. Those are not vegetables!"

"Mmm… Hmmm… " Alec chuckled to himself, riling Eliot was always fun. Although this time he did have a carrot for the hitter. He looked over at Parker and nodded, it was time. "But, the steamed veggie thing at 'Outback' has lots of color. It's got orange, and green, and…"

"Rrrr…." Eliot diced the tomatoes a little bit more ferociously. He'd already blanched and skinned them; he was going to can them so that he could make tomato sauce, soup, chili, and the such over the winter. The team liked that type of comfort on cold winter days. In fact when they'd been in Boston they'd always gathered at Nate's for food and well… Whatever had come up, usually sports, the latest con, or whatever book one of the team was reading.

Hardison continued "Now those little sprinkle things that they put on the vegetables at Chili's."

"Rrrr…" The hitter kept chopping as the team's thief approached with something behind her back. He wagged the knife at her. "Don't you join in this too." He warned.

"I like Cocoa Puffs." She shrugged and pulled a book out from behind her back. "And I wasn't trying to sneak up on you."

Eliot arched an eyebrow at her and the tall man behind her; who he knew was her co-conspirator. "If you weren't, what were you trying to do?"

Parker was not good at surprises, she tossed her hair around and looked helplessly at Sophie who just lifted up the copy of Vogue she was reading to cover her face. "We…" She gained confidence in her words and the words tumbled out of her mouth "We got you this."

She whipped out a book from behind her back and carefully found a tomato free place to put it on the counter before announcing, "Can we have the spaghetti stuff for dinner?"

"Which spaghetti stuff?" Without looking up Eliot asked, he'd made many things over the last four years which had involved some type of delicious pasta dish.

Hardison laid down a wooden box on top of the book Parker had laid down. "The green stuff is what I think she wants. That garlicky stuff."

"Pesto." Eliot grunted, still not looking up. He knew his teammates well enough to know that his not looking up was driving them nuts.

"Yeah, the cheesy green stuff!" Parker bubbled; "but, with more cheese and less green stuff."

Eliot rolled his eyes; leave it to Parker to want to remove any kind of beta carotene from a meal. Or for that fact, anything healthy from a meal, in that aspect she wasn't really that different than the team's hacker. Hardison had his love of orange soda, and anything which was full of chemicals with unpronounceable names.

"What's in the box?" Eliot figured he'd strung them on long enough.

"Open it." Parker jumped up and down like a little kid. "Open it! But first, look under the box."

Very carefully, Eliot put down the knife, and methodically washed his hands. He deliberately washed his hands twice concentrating on getting everything out from under his fingernails. Tomato was a bitch to get out from under fingernails. He took the flour sack towel from its place by the sink and just as deliberately dried his hands making sure that there wasn't a drop of water anywhere on his hands, wrists, forearms, or elbows.

"Come on! Open it!" Parker was bouncing in place, barely able contain her excitement. It was like Christmas; just not in the winter. "Open it!"

Knowing that it was driving the two youngest team members' nuts, Eliot carefully wiped down the counter; delayed gratification made presents even better. And the upside was that he also got to drive both Parker and Hardison nuts!

After making sure that the counter was both clean and dry the hitter, carefully pulled the box on top of the book towards himself. He lifted the box off what was underneath and found a book. "Stocking Up: How To Preserve The Foods You Grow Naturally."

Perplexed he looked up and Park shrugged. "We see you putting all the stuff in bottles…" Her eyes lit up. "And then the yummy stuff that comes out of them."

Hardison added in, "We got it at the antique show last week." The unspoken part of that sentence was; "_The antique show Sophie dragged me to because you were out looking at vegetable suppliers for the gastro-pub. And Nate just had to go with you."_

"Cool thanks." The hitter opened the carefully protected dust jacket and looked inside. "Wow, this is the first time I've seen a first edition in this good a shape." He smiled and gently placed the book where it wouldn't get damaged while he was canning tomatoes.

"You like it?" Hardison asked eagerly.

Sophie smiled as she watched the exchange, her magazine sliding into her lap. Parker and Hardison had been so excited when they'd found the one booth in all of the Portland Antique Show that was dedicated to cookbooks and antique cookery.

"I love it." Eliot smiled fixing his ponytail so that hair wouldn't end up in the canned tomatoes, and thinking to himself that he'd make homemade pizza for dinner. It was one of both Parker and Hardison's favorite meals. They really liked his Pizza Margerhita.

"Open the box, open the box!" Parker's enthusiasm was infectious and had Sophie smiling as Nate walked in carrying a book.

The mastermind went to ask what was going on; but, Sophie sshh-ed him and pointed over at the interchange going on at the island in the kitchen.

Eliot was sliding open the stained wooden box and staring in fascination at what was in the simple velvet lined box.

"Whaaa… Wh…?" He stuttered. It was the first time Nate or Sophie had ever seen him truly speechless. The hitter carefully drew out the wooden handled knife and stared reverently at it. "Where did you find a Zwilling in this kind of condition?"

"Zwilling?" Hardison looked quizzically at Parker and then Eliot. "It's a Henkel's knife. The… The guy said that it was made in something like 1750." A pissed off look crossed his face "Did we get a bad knife?"

Eliot chuckled, and then started laughing. "Peter Henkels registered the trademark, Zwilling in 1731with the Cutlers' Guild of Solingen. In 1771 Peter's son, Johann renamed their knife company Henkel's. So you're completely right; it is a Henkel's knife but, it was made by Johann's father Peter before the formation of the company Henkel's." Without looking up Eliot lovingly caressed the simple cooking knife, "Do you have any idea of how precious this knife is?"

"Thought you'd like it." The hacker tried for a manly tone; but, the touchdown like dance he was doing around Parker and the open area of kitchen kind of belied that.

**E/N**: The book Stocking Up is real; and there are two editions, the first was published in 1973, and the second in 1974. I guess it was really popular; although the idea of a book published in the 1970's by the editors of Organic Gardening and Farming being a bestseller amuses me. And the knife history is all real. My knife set is by Henkel's; I love them! In fact I saved up and bought my knives one by one in order to get the full set; in fact they would probably be one of the two or three things I'd rescue in a fire.

And the funny thing is this was going to be a ficlet on the book Stealing the Mystic Lamb by Noah Charney. Which while being a kind of dry is a history of the most stolen painting in the world: The alter-piece of Ghent. And totally the type of book I can see Nate or Parker reading.


	4. Grumpy Portland Wednesday

**A/N**: Thank you all so much for reading my series of ficlets. I still haven't gotten around to writing the one about Stealing The Mystic Lamb. It's a really good book, just a little dry; but, a fascinating history of art theft. **Gaben**, thank you so much for being my ever patient beta! You are truly amazing and deserve much more than a little shout-out. **Avidreader19, floralisette**, **Gaben**, **Harm Marie**, **khaller12841**, **ninjaeris13**, **rivendellelve**, **Terra Young**, **T.R. Blessing**, and **WhiskeySkye** thank you so much for taking the time to favorite, follow and review. It means a lot!

**Chapter 5**: Grumpy Days

Sophie stormed into the Leverage spaces waving a book around. "This… This isn't literature!" At the confused look that the other four gave her she elaborated. "Great literature is Jane Austen! It's William Shakespeare! Christ, I'd even say Nora Roberts is literature!" She dropped her purse narrowly missing Nate's toe never missing a beat in her tirade. "This E.L. James lady, she does not write literature."

As she stalked into the kitchen area Parker snagged the book out of Sophie's hand. "Fifty Shades of Grey?"

Hardison didn't look up from his computer. "Ooh, the mommy porn book."

Nate and Eliot's head both swiveled around at that declaration. "How do you know about it?" The mastermind asked a little surprised that the hacker had heard of it.

"The waitresses downstairs were discussing it. They were going off on how hot the sex scenes were."

"Sex? Where? There aren't any pictures." Parker was flipping through the pages. "I want to see sex." Having reached the end she tossed the book on the table and resumed her relaxed pose, sprawling across the entire table. "I like sex."

Sophie let out a delicate cough as she tried to contain her laugh. Parker could always be counted on to brighten one's day with the things coming out of her mouth.

"I thought that it was decently well written." Every head swiveled towards Eliot with a questioning look. "In the traditional sense of great literature it's pretty awful; but, it is very approachable. And an easy read."

"Umm…" Hardison looked up from his bank of computers. "When did you… Read it? Isn't it chick lit?"

"Mary had it on CD." Eliot shrugged.

"Who's Mary?" Nate asked as he took a drink from his coffee cup.

"Yes, who is Mary?" This from Sophie who was taking the kettle off the stove and making a cup of Earl Grey, decaffeinated; because her nerves were a bit on end from the discussion over THAT book. However, this tidbit on Mary was very intriguing.

"My physical therapist." Eliot moved towards the kitchen. "Some popcorn would be nice."

"With butter and salt?" This came from behind the wall of computer screens that Hardison had erected like a little fortress.

Nate shook his head, the team's hitter was almost as good at deflecting attention from himself as the team grifter, Sophie.

"I thought physical therapists were only for hurt people."

"_Parker from sound of it_," Eliot thought; he looked up and confirmed his suspicion she was upside down on the couch Which explained why her voice was different. "She keeps me from getting hurt." Was the hitter's grunted explanation, as he started hunting for his stash of coconut oil that he got from a friend who worked in a movie theater.

"Why were you listening to it?" This came from Sophie who was carefully moving the tea ball around in her cup.

"I don't get: 'Not getting hurt?'" Parker lifted her head up. "Have you had sex with her?"

"What are you all interrogating the man for?" Hardison jumped in "Can't a man enjoy some women's erotic literature?"

"Hmph." The grifter let out a not very delicate snort as Eliot was carefully measuring out oil and popcorn. "It would have been nice if that thing that calls itself a book had been erotic."

Nate reached out and picked up the black paperback from the table and started reading the back. "Makes more sense now."

"What?" Sophie asked. The rapid fire conversations with the team still made her laugh even after this many years. "Nate, what makes sense now?"

"The comic I saw yesterday; Fifty Shades of Hay."

After a momentary pause in the discussion the hacker pointed at the big screen "This one?" he said pulling up a graphic of a lavender 'My Little Pony' up. It was titled Pervy Pony.

Nate looked up. "Nope."

"Can purple ponies poop glitter?"

Eliot just rolled his eyes as he tossed the popcorn in the pot so no kernels burned. He'd thought about getting a popper; but, just couldn't justify a one use only kitchen tool. Just took up a lot of space. Although, a pizza peel would be really nice! Especially since Hardison and Parker would eat just about anything as long as it was on a pizza crust.

"How about this one?"

Nate looked up at the big screen again at the larger than life line drawing showing a horse in bed reading Fifty Shades of Hay with sweat running down its brow and a fan in its other hoof. Reading the caption again the mastermind started chuckling which made Eliot read the screen.

"…_They slipped behind the barn and quickly removed each other's harnesses there, with nothing to rein them in, it would be a night of unbridled passion._"

"That's the one."

"Pretty good." Eliot gave the popcorn another shake, it was popping now; another minute or two and it would be done. One of the benefits of Portland was that there was a huge foodie population and he could get almost anything. The popcorn he was making was grown by a local farmer, not on some company farm somewhere where it had been sprayed with weed-killers, pesticides, and the such!

"So, you actually read that… That.. That thing."

Rolling his eyes at Sophie Eliot shook the popcorn hoping it would cover his answer; "No, I listened to it. Mary had it on CD." Giving the popcorn one more shake and turning off the stove's gas he added mentally "_I already said that._"

"Why don't you hate it?" Sophie added with an accusing glare as she lifted her tea cup for a delicate sip.

"It's written in a style very similar to those vampire books you liked."

"Twilight?"

"Yeah, that's the one." Eliot carefully dumped the popcorn into a large ceramic bowl. "Also, the Harry Potter books. They are all written in a way which draws the reader into the story and invites them to know the characters, and encourages them to empathize with characters. The authors provide enough detail to allow you to visualize the scenery and the action; but, they don't put in so much that they bog down the story."

Reaching the couch Eliot grabbed the remote, flipped on ESPN, and cranked up the volume effectively ending any conversation.

**E/N**: both of the comics are real as is the book (which I think that most Americans know of Fifty Shades of Grey). The Pervy Pony is from funnyjunk dot com, and the other horse comic is from everythingfunny dot org. Or just google Fifty Shades of Hay and laugh at the many results which come up!


	5. Sick Day

**A/N: **Thank you so much **BaNdGeEk4EvEr**, **booklover51089**, **Harm Marie**, **jitzter14**, **Lady Isabelle Black**, **slvr-tgr99**, **Valawenel**, and **zjlht** for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting! It means a lot to me that you all take that extra minute. And, **Gaben**, thanks for being an awesome beta

**Chapter 5**: Sick Day

Eliot was stretched out in the large chair. His whole body hurt; luckily bruised ribs and a wrenched knee were the worst of it. But, still his whole body hurt; even with ice and heat, gentle exercise and lots of tai chi and stretching it was still going to be a couple of weeks before he was firing on all of his cylinders again.

Rolling off his side and onto his back Eliot stifled a groan; he'd caught a heel in the small of his back and had a very deep bruise just to the left of his spine. He hurt too much to read, even though Nate, Sophie, and even Parker had all brought him books.

He flipped on the television hoping for a game of some sort: Basketball, ice hockey, soccer, rugby, … Hell, even baseball or golf would be better than sitting here staring at the ceiling. Fuck, he needed to dust there was a cobweb hanging down from it catching the light over by the window. Hopefully, Marta would get it when she came to clean this week. It was nice being in one place long enough to be in one place that he could have someplace he make a home. This apartment in Portland might not be his little house in New Hampshire; but, it had a balcony where he could grow herbs in window boxes; and a couple of tomato plants in pots. He'd even used the old strawberry pot that his neighbor was going to throw away and put in a few strawberries.

But, it wasn't growing season yet. So they all sat dormant until it warmed up some more. And that didn't help his current issue: Boredom!

His grandmother had always said "_idle hands are the devil's workshop._" When he was a kid he'd thought it was funny; but, having seen Parker and Hardison when they were bored the phrase took on a whole 'nother meaning! There was the time that Parker had started gluing things to the ceiling of Nate's loft. In fact he was pretty sure there was probably still a couple of knick-knacks attached to the ceiling. Or the time she and Hardison had decided to make cookies. The things they'd done to his kitchen made him shudder, even now, over a year later. It had taken three days to get everything mostly back in order; and he'd made Hardison get him a new Kitchen Aid stand-mixer, the seven quart which hadn't been introduced yet. The mixer was a thing of beauty!

But, that still didn't solve the problem at hand: What to do right now? His eyes roved around his small apartment: A stack of old Gourmet magazines, the one on top had an article on bee-keeping and Mongolia; both of which looked interesting, and which he was intending to read. Some tablet computer thing Hardison had dropped off, said he'd loaded it with movies and cool video games. There was the latest stack of plant catalogs all touting hybrid this and heirloom that. Meh… He'd already bought his seeds, and would get his plants from the nursery down the road. There was the stack of books which the team had all contributed to; Shelley had even brought one over '_Ninja. 1,000 Years Of The Shadow Warrior. A New History._'

Shelley had been real specific about handing the book to Eliot, you could tell that he'd read it. The edges of the dust jacket were a little worn, and some of the corners were bent down where he'd forgotten to use bookmarks. Although, Eliot swore Shelley did that because he knew that it drove Eliot nuts! Sighing the hitter grabbed the book off the end table and flipped to the picture section in the center. Black and white photos, some of them not too clear, but what they showed was unmistakable.

There were stark black and white photos of Shugendō rituals, pictures of Iga and Kōga, the ever changing landscape; that in many ways never changed. There were pictures of some of the masters whom Eliot had spent time training under. There were pictures of the armor which had been passed down from generation to generation. Eliot had seen some ninja armor in person and it was much more impressive in person. Concentrating for more than a few pictures was next to impossible. But, this was a book he was going to have to read. Not like the Kay Hooper mystery Sophie had brought over. That would get saved until a night when he couldn't sleep and needed something mindless to read. Although, a lot of her books had a creepy element to them which sometimes made sleeping after them a little difficult. But, they were engrossing enough that they took his mind off the nightmares which had been keeping him awake in the first place.

Setting the book back on the side table on top of the Kay Hooper book, '_The First Prophet_' Eliot let out a groan. Fuck, that rib didn't feel bruised; it felt more like a fracture. Hopefully, Nate wouldn't plan any jobs for a while. And while he might not say it to Hardison's face; the hacker had set them up with a pretty damn good health insurance plan!

The hitter's eyes scanned the rest of the stack of books. Parker had brought a novel called '_The Art Thief,_' quite fitting. Although it was by Noah Charney, the guy who'd written a treatise called '_Stealing The Mystic Lamb_' which was all about the times the altarpiece of Ghent had been stolen. And if this novel was at all written in a similar manner to '_The Mystic Lamb'_ it was going to be dense and dry. Probably be a good soporific.

Nate, knowing of Eliot's love of Ernest Hemingway's fishing stories had brought a Hemingway biography over. '_To Have And Have Another._' The hitter had read the fly-leaf and knew why Nate had brought it. It was a discussion of Hemingway and booze. Wasn't it Hemingway who'd said: "Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life." Carefully lifting the book in his hand he remembered that was F. Scott Fitzgerald. Hemingway had said "I drink to make other people more interesting."

Ernest Hemingway had also said one of Eliot's all-time favorite quotes:

"Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime"

**E/N:** As always there are a ton of end-notes; especially in this series. Ninja. 1,000 Years Of The Shadow Warrior. A New Historyis a real book. It's written by an English dude named John Man who specializes in travelogues and histories. I like Shelley picked this one because it discusses how the fictionalized and very sensationalized ninjas are unrealistic and then spends a LOT of chapters discussing the real history of shadow warriors. Pretty cool book, a little dry.

The Kay Hooper book, The First Prophet is the first one in her new series. It looks to be pretty good; it's on my stack to read while I heal from knee surgery. She generally writes a pretty good novel.

And To Have And Have Another is a book which is pretty much described above. I couldn't get through it; but, I'm not a Hemmingway fan. Some of the drink recipes are pretty cool; and it isn't called a cocktail companion for nothing.

And now that you've made it through all the end-notes: Go read all the rest of my awesome fics! I promise they won't disappoint Cheers!


	6. A Yucky Monday

**A/N**: Thank you all for reading my stories: **floralisette**, Go Navy! **BellaRosa17**, **booklover51089**, **emmamax**, **Himizu-chan**, **jinx-tiger-13**, **katjakay**, **Phoenix Song Burning**, **sAmIAm42**, and **willowswelt**. It means so much for me that you all take the time to read, review, favorite, and follow my ramblings. Go forth and read some gratuitous food porn!

**Chapter 6**: Yucky Days

It was one of those days. A yucky day. There wasn't any way else to describe it. Eliot was off doing stuff with Ray. Parker had been dragged off somewhere with Sophie, that had been pretty much a kicking and screaming until Sophie had mentioned jewelry stores and specifically one which had just upgraded their security system. Nate was reading a book and sipping on his usual lighter fluid which meant that he wasn't going anywhere for a long while. So it was just a yucky day.

Hardison had read through the news, nothing going on. Read his favorite message boards; almost no activity, which was rare. There was no activity going on in his horde, no raids, no nothing… Faith was in the middle of getting her doctoral students ready for boards, and grading exams so there wouldn't be anything from her for a while. Crap, even Chaos and the rest of the black hats he associated with online were being quiet. "Bored, I am." He mumbled to himself in what he'd call a pretty damn good imitation of Yoda.

Alec stood and stretched cracking his back; he walked over the kitchen area and grabbed a bottle of soda. He opened it, carefully put the cap into the recycling bin marked metal, and flopped down on the couch having snagged his tablet from his desk area. It was a fan-fiction kind of day. Eliot and Nate both preferred books; Nate liked the classics and Eliot would read a little bit of everything. Hardison he liked characters he knew, characters he was comfortable with, and characters with whom he could empathize; to use some of the psychology mumbo-jumbo Eliot had been spouting since he'd started taking Ray to the hospital for his PTSD treatments. Hardison had noticed that the books Eliot was reading had recently become more heavily oriented towards psychology, the treatment of PTSD, the impact of traumatic events. He'd even been seeing papers carefully stacked in Eliot's office. Things like Cognitive impact of traumatic events, and the Longitudinal Assessment of Mental Health Problems Among Active and Reserve Component Soldiers Returning From the Iraq War. Dense stuff! The hacker had tried to help and had made sure that Eliot had access to every medical journal archive ever created; and had made sure that Ray and a lot of other veterans had access to some cutting edge and experimental treatments which well… Needless to say they weren't approved by the Department of Defense or the Veterans Administration.

But, today was not a day for tracking down PTSD treatments, rare shoes for Sophie, alarm system specifications and blue-prints for Parker, and seemingly random stuff for Nate. Today was a day for himself, a day for fan-fiction. The websites fanfiction dot net and archive of our own dot org were two of his favorites. There wasn't a lot of cross-over in authors between the two sites; and they had completely different content. Archive tended to have stuff that was a little racier, some of it even solidly landed in the kink category. There were a few stories, well more than a few that had Alec wondering if they were even possibly physically. He scrolled through the first page of '_The Avengers_ _(2012)_' page on Archive Of Our Own. It amazed Alec at how many people paired Loki with other characters; Loki. Psheesh, who wanted to read about him. Now, Pepper and Natasha; that was a combination he could get all kinds of jiggy over. Oh, and the Hawkeye Darcy combination was another one that was kind of cool.

It was kind of disturbing how the movies had never developed Darcy, Hawkeye, or Phil Coulson's characters very well. It made him wish that Joss Whedon had taken some advice from fanfic writers! "_Develop the minor characters, come on Joss!_" Alec grumped to himself. I mean you did so well with the minor characters in Angel, Buffy, Firefly and Dollhouse. And in Firefly and Dollhouse there had only been a few episodes. And he did a better job of developing Badger, and that weird rim world mayor that was only in one episode. "_Sheesh!_"

"Oooh…"

Nate looked up from his book "What?"

"Uh… Nothing. Just reading." Alec blushed and looked back down at the text he was reading. Fried chicken. The fic he was reading involved Pepper Potts, Tony Stark, sex and extra crispy fried chicken. And the author had even been nice enough to put in the recipe!

Brine

¼ cup kosher salt, plus more to taste

2 tbsp. coarsely ground black pepper, plus more to taste

2 tbsp. honey

2 tbsp. sugar

15 whole cloves

6 sprigs parsley

6 sprigs thyme

4 bay leaves

Zest and juice of 1 lemon

1 – 3 ½ - 4 pound chicken cut up

2 tbsp. granulated garlic

1½ tbsp. cayenne

1½ tbsp. onion powder

1 tsp. paprika

1 tbsp. baking powder

2 cups Buttermilk

Canola oil, for frying

1. Boil ¼ cup salt and 1 tbsp. pepper with the honey, sugar, cloves, parsley, thyme, bay leaves, zest, and juice, plus 6 cups of water in a 4-qt. saucepan until salt is dissolved, 5–7 minutes. Remove brine from heat and let cool completely. Add chicken and cover; refrigerate overnight.

Mmm… The image of Pepper Potts wearing nothing but a frilly apron brining a chicken. Okay, he didn't really know what brining a chicken involved; but, granite countertops, and a mostly naked Pepper Potts. Tasty!

He looked in the refrigerator it didn't look like there was a chicken. Alec could buy a chicken, well he'd order it and it delivered along with some more orange soda, milk, and a couple boxes of Hot Pockets. He kept reading through the recipe.

2. The next day, drain chicken, rinse, and pat dry with paper towels. Whisk 2 cups flour, half each of the granulated garlic, cayenne, onion powder, and paprika with salt and pepper in a bowl. In another bowl, whisk remaining flour, granulated garlic, cayenne, onion powder, and paprika with baking powder, salt, and pepper. Put the buttermilk into a third bowl.

The spice stuff, and flour. He was pretty sure they had it all; Eliot had made waffles for breakfast the morning before, and those had flour. So they had to have flour; there wasn't anything in the refrigerator labeled buttermilk.

What the heck was dredging? Could recipes not speak English? Grrr… This was frustrating. And why couldn't Eliot be willing to use a smart phone then he could just email him the recipe.

3. Pour enough oil into a 6-qt. Dutch oven to reach a depth of 2". Heat until a deep-fry thermometer reads 300°. Working in batches, dredge chicken in flour mixture, shaking off excess, dip in buttermilk, and dredge again in flour. Fry, flipping once, until golden and almost cooked through, 7–8 minutes, or until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the thigh reads 150°. Transfer chicken to paper towels.

Rrr… Instant-read thermometer? They had to have one of those… Because after all Eliot was a chef; and chefs had all kinds of good food cooking stuff. Right? "Nate, do we have an… An instant read thermometer?"

The mastermind looked up from his book. "Yes, we do. Remember, Eliot made frosting last week." He shook his head not really wanting to know what the hacker was up to.

4. Increase oil to 350° and fry chicken until crisp, 2–3 minutes more; drain on paper towels and season with salt and pepper. Serve immediately.

On the off chance that Eliot had his smart phone with him, Alec emailed the hitter the recipe with begging included. "Please, can you make fried chicken?"

"Nate, you want fried chicken tonight?" There was only a little bit of begging in his voice! The story had Pepper in an apron and nothing else liberally applying pepper to the flour mixture. Okay, now he saw why Eliot loved food so much; this wasn't just putting calories into his belly this was pure sex! Alec had never seen food as sexy before. He was about ready to start fanning himself like his Nana did when ever Denzel Washington came on the television! Or well when he saw Parker do her cat burglar thing, or when Starbuck from Battlestar Galactia did her thing.

**E/N:** Cognitive Impact of Traumatic Events by Gordon H Bower, and Heidi Sivers. Longitudinal Assessment of Mental Health Problems Among Active and Reserve Component Soldiers Returning From the Iraq War by Charles S. Milliken, MD; Jennifer L. Auchterlonie, MS; Charles W. Hoge, MD.

The fried chicken recipe is a combination of recipes one of which is from Saveur Issue #158 and my father's recipe which involved copious amounts of buttermilk.

Yes, this is gratuitous food porn; but, food is what makes the world go round! Faith is my OC from One Night Stand – which I will finish eventually. I just really suck at writing sex; and need my co-author back. And Ray is my OC from Luxuries & Loss: The Oregon Edition. So go forth and read the rest of my frigging awesome stories


	7. Movie Day

**A/N:** Wow, thank you all for so many review, favorites and follows on this fic! And **floralisette**: Thank you so much for being my beta! I know I'm a neurotic writer. **Floralisette**, **Grey Fool**, **harrypotterfanforever247**, **Phoenix Song Burning**, **Skyrunner70**, and **willowswelt** thank you so much for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and following! It really means a lot to me that you spend that couple of minutes doing it! **ardnaseel**, thanks for catching my error!

**Chapter 7**: Old Chicago

Eliot strode into the team's common area above the brewpub shaking his head like a wet dog. It had been drizzling and grey for the last couple days, and being cooped up with Parker and Hardison was in many ways like being trapped with a pair of hyperactive children in an elevator! So he'd gone for a run, and gotten some groceries on the way home.

A couple of nice bunches of broccolini which he was planning on broiling with a little olive oil, some minced garlic, sea salt and lots of coarse ground pepper. Some thick cut pork chops that he was planning on stuffing with an apple-cranberry stuffing. The base for the stuffing was going to be the cornbread he'd made last night. And some whipped sweet potatoes; plus, a maple apple cider glaze which would go well with both the pork chops and the potatoes.

There were also the baby turnips he just couldn't resist. The guy down at the food co-op said that a farmer who had just started selling produce through the co-op had brought them in. They looked wonderful! And it was the time of year for food like this. Glancing at the calendar on the wall in the kitchen area the hitter noted that he'd need to start planning Thanksgiving soon. It had become kind of a tradition for the Leverage team: All the strays they knew and a table groaning with food followed by football, cocktails, lively discussion, and usually over sugared children running around. Well, the last couple years it had been Elambert's grandchildren running around. Elambert was his massage therapist in New Hampshire; and there was pretty much no way she'd be able to come out to Portland for Thanksgiving. And her grandchildren were really good kids, until Hardison and Parker got them all hyped up on gummy frogs, orange soda and then riled them up six-ways-to-Sunday. Then they were maniacs! Sweet maniacs; but, maniacs the same.

"Movie! Movie! Movie!" Parker was hanging from the ceiling, yelling at the top of her lungs.

"Parker!" Eliot yelled as he tried to be overheard above the cacophony of her yelling which was competing with the sound of Hardison's computer game crap which was blaring over the surround sound system. "Hardison! Turn that shit down."

"Movie night?" Parker asked in a normal voice with her head cocked as Hardison turned down the electronic music.

"Oooh…" Hardison eagerly echoed Parker's question. "Movie night sounds awesome!" He ducked behind his monitors and started searching through his library for a title which would amuse the entire team.

"Hmm…" Eliot made a non-committal sound deep in his throat. But, he quickly juggled the menu around to make it movie friendly. They could do stuffed pork chops tomorrow night. Popcorn, that was a must! And was something that the hitter always made sure was on hand. Parker could eat buckets of it, as long as it had extra butter and extra salt. Sophie was no slouch in that department either.

Nate liked nachos with lots of cheese and meat. Jalapenos on the side. Hardison really didn't care; if it was served on a pizza crust he'd eat it. Didn't matter if it was a good movie or not; pizza was king, in the hacker's mind.

Sophie loved popcorn; but if asked, she would always go for higher brow finger foods: Bruschetta, brie en croute, taramsalata on delicate crackers with a twist of fresh lemon zest– taramasalata being a Greek specialty composed of fish roe, and a few other things.

Hmmm… What could he produce quickly that everyone would like? And with the ingredients he had on hand. It was challenges like this that made Eliot love cooking: Disparate tastes, a limited pantry, and a short time frame to pull it off in! A challenge!

Crunchy, pizza, salty, … What fit all those categories? Popcorn with extra butter and salt and to round out the menu: "Mmmm… Pizza nachos."

"What?" Hardison gawked, his nose poking out above his monitors. "What are pizza nachos?"

"They're something I ate with a friend when I went through Montana."

"Montana?" Sophie asked the hitter as she came into the common area holding a copy of Pride and Prejudice. Nate noted the book title; it was probably Sophie's favorite book. This particular copy was a hardcover edition the mastermind had given the grifter when they'd started working together.

"Pizza nachos?"

"Yeah, I stopped there on my way out here. Didn't eat this this trip; but, had em once before." Eliot grunted as he went looking in the pantry for unsalted tortilla chips. It was going to take too long to make the pasta chips that Old Chicago used.

"Pizza nachos?"

"Broken record." Eliot growled at the young hacker. "Yes, pizza combined with nachos. Go pick a movie out."

"Movie." Hardison started flipping through titles. The Avengers, no. And not just no, but: HELL NO! He'd been playing that movie one day when Eliot and Parker had been in the mood to do not much of anything, and figured that they would like it: It had action, adventure, hot women, gorgeous men, and fight scenes. And Alec was sure that it would have been a hit with everyone; well, except maybe Sophie. She wasn't a big fan of action-adventure comic based movies. Yeh, it would have been a hit except Loki took over Hawk-Eye's body; and that made Eliot leave. Not leave as in to get more popcorn for Parker and Sophie; but, leave the building, leave. It pretty much killed the mood of movie night.

Alec remembered going '_Huh?_' and pausing the movie which had made Parker grimace, she'd been enjoying watching the action. Nate had put his book down, some thick biography the hacker remembered, and thought about it for a few seconds, and then gave Hardison a look. A look which said '_You unobservant douf!_' He'd started speaking "Remember the Experimental Job?"

"Yeah."

"Remember how Eliot reacted then?"

"Yeah." Hardison mused; starting to put the pieces together.

"Well." Nate responded gently coaching Hardison; trying to give him the pieces to solve the puzzle; but, not give him the answer.

"Man has seen way too much." Alec had shaken his head as he remembered the words that Eliot had said to man interrogating him:

"_What do you want to know? Names? Dates? Locations? What food was on their breath? Their eyes? You want to know what color their eyes were? Want to know the last words they spoke? Want to know which ones deserved it? Or better yet, the ones that didn't? Want to know which ones begged? Want to know why I know these things? Because I can't forget. So there's nothing you can do, no punishment you can hand out that I live with every day. So to answer your question, no, I never counted. I don't need to."_

Yeah, the man had seen too much. He'd seen it first as a SEAL in the Navy; then as a retrieval specialist, and the work Eliot had hinted at during his time with Moreau. Well, that just made Alec's stomach churn. The hitter had seen good men turned bad, he'd seen minds warped and changed. No, watching a movie where mind-control was the central theme was probably not a good idea.

Hmmm…. Something light, fluffy, that they'd all like. "How about The Italian Job?"

"Original or remake?" Sophie asked; she really did like Michael Caine. Although, that kid from Boston who played the same role was really good too. He didn't quite have the charisma that Michael Caine did; but, then who did?

"Ooh… The cars movie!" Parker clapped her hands. "I like the gold bars, they're pretty. Although, I would have kept them."

"Good movie." Eliot grunted from the kitchen. "Both of them."

Alec cued up the movie, the new version, not the 1969 original, as he smelled melting cheese coming from the kitchen; and grinned to himself. Yeah, he'd made a good choice! In his mind he was doing his touchdown dance!

**E/N**: Yes, you've made it to the end of another fabulous fic I've written. So now go read more of them. Oh, and yes Old Chicago is a real restaurant in Billings. I'm pretty sure it's a chain; but, still, their pizza nachos are really quite tasty. I love the pepperoncini they put on them!

And yes, I know that a lot of people think that Eliot was in the Army. But, in the episode about San Lorenzo he is called Commander. Commander is a naval term, specifically the term for an officer in the United States Navy. So, given the skills and such which he has I think that he is a former Navy SEAL.


End file.
